The Overwhelming Reality
by Dwell-In-Me
Summary: Squall Leonhart, is admitted to a Mental Institution after being caught trying to commit suicide. A certain blond is admitted also... Chapter 6 Up!
1. One

__

Title: The Overwhelming Reality

__

Author: Dwell_In_Me

__

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..

__

Dedication: This is dedicated to my girlfriend, Allison, who I love more than anything.

Author's Notes: This is my first fic…so, don't be too harsh. Read and Review, please!!! *grins*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*Flashback*

The blade slides slowly across my wrist. A tingly feeling runs across my scalp and the wound slowly bubbles. With another quick swipe, my skin becomes red. The tingle arches across my scalp again. The floor tips up and my body coils away. The perfect, straight line of blood came up from under the edge of the blade. The line began to swell forming a long, fat bubble. The it burst, and when it did, I felt great. Relieved. The exhausted…

*End Flashback*

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My therapist closes the door behind me as I walk over to the couch and take a seat. Then he treads slowly to his desk and with a grunt he pulls the chair under him as he sits down. "How are you feeling today, Squall?" he asks in his deep voice.

"Fine." I grunt, adjusting myself on the sofa.

"Where would you like to start today?" he smile waiting for my response.

"I don't care." I answer coldly.

He coughs lowly as he pulls my file from his desk drawer and looks over to me again. I don't know why, but I hate him. The way he sits there all perfectly. Supposedly, helping me, When I reply to him sarcastically he doesn't get annoyed or anything. That same 'professional' expression stays on his face. My attention goes over to his wall, I count the tiles. 1 beige, 2 white, 3 beige, 4 white…This is actually pretty amusing I should add. It's better that talking to him, anyways… He only asks the same questions. 'when'd it start?' 'What was your reason' …give me a break. I lost count and decided to start over again.

"That's all the time we have today," His voice startled me as my eyes panned over to him. He must have been trying to talk to me. I guess he got tired of "talking to himself" that he decided to give up…Good. It's what I wanted…

"Thanks," I smile sarcastically before proceeding out the door. "Fucker." I breathe lowly as he closed the door behind me. Down the hall I could see blankets and things being thrown outside and I hear a lot of screaming. If I'm not mistaken that's the "new guy's" room. Steven…Richard…Seifer??? Some name. All I know it he was admitted a couple of days ago. And ever since he has tantrums. 

~~~~  


Lunch. The loud voices of laughter and arguing fill my ears as I walked pass the tables. It seems that the other people here sit in "issues" all the bulimics, anorexics, suicidals…all in groups. But not me, I sit alone. I spotted my table placed in the far corner of the cafeteria. Right by the window. Where I can look out the window at the "real world", or so I call it. I place my tray down on the table gently, and slowly sit. I glanced out the window and noticed a bird, a black bird, It seemed to be looking for something …and then it fluttered away. My eyes returned to my full tray of food. Steamed Peas. Carrots. Mildly cooked chicken fingers, and a side of chocolate milk. Hell, if you're not crazy when you get here, the food will surely drive you to insanity. I laughed quietly at my little joke before picking through the so called food. I breathe heavily before pushing the tray aside. I quickly noticed one of the nurses approaching me and I know what she wanted.

"Why aren't you eating?" she asked me, concernedly. I look upon to her and pull my tray in front of me again. "You have to eat something," she said to me, before taking a seat in front of me. I pick up one of the chicken fingers and raised it to my lips. I took a small bite out of it before throwing the partially eaten chicken finger back onto my plate. "Are you feeling okay?" her voice startled me. My eyes slowly float to meet hers. I needed her to get away from me. Her persistence annoys me, If I did, even though I don't, want to eat, I wouldn't do it while she was looking straight at me. "I'm okay." I say finally, watching as she shows a sign of relief and arises from the table. I watch as she walks slowly away from the table, inspecting the others. 

The vile smell of the food arises to my nose again, and a sickening feeling curls in the pit of my stomach. I feel the sudden urge to puke out my brains, but it slowly retreats, and I just feel like the normal old me. Depressed little suicidal Squall. Wow, ain't life great? I glance over the crowed room, over to the lunch line. There I see the familiar blond staring over the steamy buffet. Even when he's not having a tantrum he still looks a little crazy. But his eyes…his dark emerald eyes could burn a hole into anyone. I'm not scared of him, though. He has two escorts following behind him in the line, He slowly picks up the dish and places small containers onto it. Then glances over the cafeteria once before taking a seat at the closet table, his escorts sitting aside him. He seems as a caged animal, his two escorts eyeing him intensively. He stares into his tray and picks up a plastic fork. He holds it in his hand momentarily, before stabbing it into one of his escorts arm. The man yells in pain as the blond teen knocks his tray from the table and lets out a loud growl before stalking around the cafeteria, knocking any and everything out of his way. I watched as the security officer held his walkie-talkie to his lips before plunging into the madness… 

They quickly wrestle the crazed teen to the floor, his body menacing beneath them. Everyone in the cafeteria stares in awe as the teen fights his way under the nurses and physicians. One of the doctors retrieves a syringe from his jacket pocket and sticks the needle into the boy's, now being held sturdily, arm. The boy reacts quickly again. But slowly his head fall to rest on the floor. The people surrounding him arise from the boy, his body is spiraled on the floor. Two people raise his limp body from the ground and places his arm about their shoulders and carry him from the room.

I have witnessed the whole thing. From his first gnarl to the sleepily boy being carried from the room. But who cares about him anyways? He can die for all I care. I don't know him. He's just another kid stuck in Shallow Creek…just like me. 

Author's Notes: I know you probably thinking it's going slow now, but give me time…I just want it to be perfect…It would be great if you would tell me what you think so far…the more encouragement I get, the more I'll try to bring you a really good story…Chapter 2 coming soon… 


	2. Two

__

Title: The Overwhelming Reality

__

Author: Dwell_In_Me

__

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..

__

Dedication: This is dedicated to my girlfriend, Allison, who I love more than anything.

Author's Notes: Chapter 2 iz in da house!!! *cough* Just go read it!!!! Oh, and don't forget to review!!!!!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. My body flails wildly in my bed. I can't go to sleep. It feels as of my eyes are glued open. I grunt as I turn again to lie on my back. The sounds of thrashing and yelling fill my ears. That Seifer kid never seems to calm down, all he does is yell and cry and have tantrums. Goddamned psychopath.

I was just assigned a roommate today. Some girl. Her name is Julia. Hey, I didn't even think I'd remember that. But, she has a drug problem I think, she says that everything that she's tried, she's gotten addicted to it. Well, that's all I remember her telling me. She's not that bad…I guess…well, she's not annoying anyways. She keeps her space and I keep mine… I look over to her. Her purple streaked hair is disheveled over her pillows. Her skin is very pale and she's sleeping. How can she sleep with all this noise, I wonder. But what am I rambling about, I wish I could just get into bed and go to sleep. I've never been able to do that, never. Even since my first day. And here's a side note to you all, don't count sheep. That shit doesn't work. Fuck whoever said that. I look out into the hallway from my bed and see two nurses running down the hallway. Maybe he does that for attention…yeah, I bet that's it. Maybe he thought he'd get more attention if he was crazy…Fuck, but he could at least chill out sometimes. I hear the rustling of bed sheets and turn over to see Julia's eyes on me. She smiles. I just stared. I wanted to smile back, but I guess it's been a while since I've done it, I didn't actually think I still knew how. I guess she understands though. She arches her neck and looks out the door also.

"Who is that?" her voice is soft, gentle even. I clear my throat and sit there for a second until I finally open my mouth.

"Seifer…" 

"That blond guy that went nuts today at lunch?" she asks. 

I nod. 

"Is he, like, a schizophrenic?" her eyebrow wrinkles as the question sits between us.

"I don't know…" the roughness in my voice caught my attention. I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. I could tell she was probably annoyed with me now, saying how, she turned away. I should have apologized and told her that it wasn't supposed to sound the way it did. But fuck her, I don't have to apologize to anyone…especially her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My therapist looks on to me before offering a smile through his gray bread " How are you feeling today, Squall?" he asks. This is always his first question.

I nod, helplessly. My eyes trail to the floor. He folds his arms across his chest and clears his throat. 

"I talked to your mother today." he smiles. I looked at him in disgust and returned my eyes to the floor. I noticed a yellow stain in the carpet. I turned my head slightly, it's weird…the stain resembled one of those pokèmon things. I bit my lip before brushing a piece of hair from my face and looking at him through my eyelashes. By this time he'd shut up and was staring at me from his desk. "Shall we continue?" he grumbled. I nod. "I talked to your mother today." he started again. "She said that she will be visiting you on Friday." he paused shortly, before proceeding. "She says that she has some important news for you and she specifically asked me not to tell you anything except, to await her arrival." 

"I don't want to see her." It came out as simply as it sounds. And I was damn serious. 

"And why not?" his eyebrows furrowed. 

"I just don't want to!" a tear formed in the corner of my eye.

I breathe deeply before slouching against the cold leather of the sofa. 

I hadn't seen my mom since I was 11. She'd left me and my dad, Laguna, needing to "find" herself. She came back in my life just last year after my 17th birthday, and I showed her right off the back, that I wanted nothing to do with her, but she was so persistent to the point where she would try and force me to talk to her. I wouldn't. So, she'd get mad and start to cry. I showed no regret. It actually got to the point where I relished in her self-pity. I know it sounds mean, but it made me feel great. It showed her how I'd felt when she left. The burning craving to die had always been in my system, since the first day she left. But I made a promise to myself that the only time a blade would touch my skin was when I decided that it was the end. I wasn't gonna walk around with scars on my arms so someone could feel sorry for me, that's the last fucking thing I wanted. When it got to the point that I was going to die, I'd be sure to do it in the exact places, for a quick death. 

And I remember the night I decided to end my life, January 25, 2003...It was my mom's birthday. That'd show her. 

*Flashback*

"Squall, your mother and I will be back later tonight," my dad yelled from downstairs, "We left the number to the restaurant on the fridge." I heard muffled laughing from downstairs. Seconds later I heard the door slam closed and the engine of the car start.

"Whatever." the words slipped out softly as I sat up in my bed, the trusty blade clutched in my white knuckles. My heart rate hitched and an effervescent feeling appeared in the back of my throat. This was it. I bit my bottom lip as I placed the cold blade against my wrist. I sank the blade deeply into the middle area of my wrist and watched as the crimson fluid flowed from underneath it. The blade slid slowly across my wrist again. A tingly feeling ran across my scalp and the wound slowly bubbled. With another quick swipe, my skin became red. The tingle arches across my scalp again. The floor tipped up and my body coiled away. The perfect, straight line of blood came up from under the edge of the blade. The line began to swell forming a long, fat bubble. Then it burst, and when it did, I felt great. Relieved. Then exhausted…

The colors of red, blue, and white lights filled my nearly open eyes. The blaring siren roared as the doors of the ambulance closed tightly. A hand floated tightly around mine as a breathing mask was placed on my face. My eyes drifted close. I don't remember anything that happened after that except when my eyes opened as my dad rushed to my side.

Through tears and sniffling, his broad hand slipped across my face to brush the hair from my eyes. "You're awake." he smiled. He bent down and kissed my forehead. He sniffed once more before gripping my hand and holding it there. My eyes drifted to my arms as I noticed the IV's placed into my veins, and the bandages around my scars. My head fell back onto the pillow as I stared at the ceiling. Operation: Suicide, definitely didn't work out. I cursed myself for not dying. That's all I wanted. Peace. Solitude. The Eternal Existence of Hell. Is that too much to ask?? "Are you feeling okay?" the question disheveled my recent thoughts. I nodded. A smile arched across his thin lips as he kissed my hand.

My days in the infirmary. A month and a half to be exact, felt like hell. I was awakened with the sweet endowments. The visits from old friends, and a long awaited visit from my mom. I wanted her to see me like this. I wanted her to see what she had done. I wanted her to bawl her fucking eyes out. But, not the slightest sign of remorse filled her expressions. "What the hell where you thinking?!?!" she snapped. "What the fuck would make you do this?"… "Fucking answer me," she demanded. "You fucking slice your fucking arms and you want fucking sympathy?" he had to be escorted out of my room by my dad and a few others. Those were the last words I heard from my mother. I couldn't speak. I was frozen by her words. She nearly scared me. The harshness of her tone made me want to cry. It added on to my longing to be somewhere else. I had to die. 

*End Flashback*

**__**

Author's Notes: Super! You guy's actually like this…gee, wasn't expecting that…but it's good! It's way good! Wow, redrum actually reviewed me! I feel grand!!! Hmm…and you asked something about switching POV's…well, I kinda had a reason that I was sticking to Squall's POV…but you'll learn about Seifer soon enough!!! ^_^ …and sorry this chapter wasn't cool enough, I just had to get the Squall situation out of the way…ya know, for a better understanding of him and the reason he is he way he is and where he is. Uh, Chapter 3 is coming soon, I missed Seifer in this chapter. My girlfriend is actually mad that I do. I pay more attention to him that I do to her… yeah, I'm naughty!!! *licks lips* mmm…Seifer…uh, so like expect more of Seifer in the next chapter…you'll understand his situation and know a little more about the crazed teen. But like I said, I have a reason I'm sticking to Squall. 

Me: So, go review!!! you know you want to!!! Worship me!!!!! 

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Me: *cough* I suck! *huddles up in a corner and cries*


	3. Three

__

Title: The Overwhelming Reality

__

Author: Dwell_In_Me

__

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..

__

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to you! You guys are really what makes this worth doing…

__

Author's Notes: Oh, hey you guys, sorry for the long wait, my pc was down…but it's up now and here's Chapter 3...and well, enjoy…please! ^_^ 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was Thursday. One day before my mom was coming. I had spent most of the day in Study Hall. That's where I usually spend my time after medication. It's about the only place that you can get quiet. Throughout the hallways where our rooms are there is screaming constantly. During Group Therapy it can get pretty quiet until some bastard breaks down and starts crying. There were signs all over the classroom styled room that read things like "Silence is Golden" and "Respect others silence" A couple of other people sat in the room with me including Mrs. LaBarthe, she was the woman who watched us until it was lunch or until whatever. She was a pale middle age woman. She wore glasses that hung on her nose. Her head was always buried in GQ magazines. I liked her though. She was nice. I didn't mind her. She never tried to force me to talk. 

I returned my attention to a book that I'd picked up from the shelf. It was called "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. It was rather interesting. I liked the authors style. My thoughts were scattered as I felt a sharp poke in my side. I turned to meet the eyes of a smiling boy. "What?" I whispered, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Would you mind passing this letter to Hayden?" he asked holding a folded piece of paper before me. I hesitantly took the paper from his hands and turned back around. I looked over to Hayden. I only knew him because we both went to high school together. I was surprised to see him here. He had been missing from my 4th period math class for a while, until I found he was just as crazy as me. His walkman was placed over his ears. I didn't know how I was going to get his attention. My first idea was to cough, but I thought that that might cause to much attention. I was out of ideas. I turned back to the boy behind me and hunched my shoulders. "Here." he said passing me his pencil. "Poke him." I sighed in disgust. I took the pencil from his hand and reached over to Hayden. The pencil touched his back slightly. I scooted my desk a little closer and nudged him in the back.

"What the fuck?!" he yelled taking the headphones from his ears and looking back to me.

"Is there a problem boys?" Mrs. LaBarthe asked, looking up from her magazine.

I stared at the situation briefly before shaking my head. She gave us one last look before returning to her magazine. 

"Here." I rolled my eyes, passing the folded note to Hayden. He took it and turned back to his seat, placing the headphones back over his ears. I returned my head to my book.

"Thanks." I heard faintly behind me. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Group Therapy. I walk into the room and float to the back to take a seat in the far corner. A few others walk into the room and take their normal seats. Bryan, the "group leader" takes a seat in the middle of the room, right in the depths of the boys. A few loud yawns and grunts adjust the mood as a bright smile crawls over Bryan's face. 

"How are we all doing today?" he asks giddily. His voice annoys me. He's always so fucking perky. A couple of people giggle. "Anyone?" he glances over everyone. He clears his throat. "Boys, we have someone new that will be joining us today," a sign of seriousness slipped over his face. He arose from his seat and walked over to the door. "Come in." he outstretched an arm outside the door. From the shadows of the dimly lit hallway, a shy blond stepped into the room. A few of the boys gasped, I was shocked by the expression of surprise that also spread across my face. I'm not scared of him, it's just he's looks pretty scary. A grin slides across his face as he walks past the boys, their eyes following his every step. "Ahem." our eyes fall back to Bryan. "Boys, I'd like you to meet, Seifer Almasy." some boys looked back and gave him a polite grin, others did nothing, I…I just looked at him. "We are only going to try this for today, but I'd like you to show respect to Seifer, and treat him as you want to be treated. Remember the golden rule:" oh god, shut the fuck up. His voice falls in, the normal lisp accompanying it. "_Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you_." oh brother. "So! Let's get started…" My eyes float over to Seifer, he seems normal, sitting in the far back, hands placed motionless on his knees. I look over the room and just as people tend to group up in issues. The same goes in for group therapy. I'm not sure where Seifer fit in, but it's not like I actually cared either. A small cough makes me look over to him, a smile spreads over his thin lips. I turn away "Depression is not a good feeling, and I know that many of you know that. It makes you feel like you're nothing, it eats at your soul until…" I could have sworn that he's said all this before. 'There's light my friends, There's light' watch. "…you may just feel like giving up…but, There's light my friends, There's light" Bryan's says the same exact fucking words. I don't know what possessed my next move, but, I turned back to Seifer. The same grin that was placed on his face just a while ago reappeared. What the fuck is he smirking so fucking much for. "Our goal here, is to enhance your understanding of depression and give you alternatives to dealing with it. Like for instance, Luke, what's an alternative way that you could deal with depression." 

Luke's like me. I mean, he's a cutter. He doesn't talk much and keeps to himself. I guess where all like that. Luke looks towards the ceiling and pretends to think. "Running" he says lowly. Just loud enough for us to hear him. 

"Yes, running. Studies show while that running or walking, there's this nerve inside your brain that makes it impossible to feel depressed while doing them. So, like Luke said, there's running, and would anyone else like to tell another example?" Bryan scans the room. "Todd?" The hefty boy looks up from his seat. "Would you give us an example?"

"I dunno" he coughs. 

"Could you try?" Bryan asks, bending slightly to meet the boy's eyes. 

"No." Todd answers simply

"Okay…we're not going to force anyone to talk. So, we've already established that running is an alternative. There's more, like, throwing a pillow against the wall, and even yelling. It helps."

"Hmph." Seifer grunts. I don't know why but everyone turns to him. 

"Do you disagree with something, Seifer?" Bryan asks. As shocked as anyone that the blond actually said something. Not that he said anything. But just to hear him make that noise, whoa. I'm so fucking stupid, huh?

"Well…" the blond speaks. "Not really."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"I said I don't wanna fucking say anything." Seifer retorts. His tone suddenly changing. 

Bryan backs away and continues with his lecture. I look back over to Seifer. His face seems a bit redder. He raises his head and meets my eyes. I turn away. Never to meet his eyes again.

*~*~*~*~*~

__

"Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" 

"Well, so-hor-ry!" 

"You're such a dick."

"Did you hear about Mikey?…"

The cafeteria is crowded, like always. People rambling on about meaningless shit. I refused to let myself get involved with any of it. I was fine sitting at lunch alone. Julia sat with me the day before. But like my psycho-doctor, she eventually got tired of me not answering her so she gave up and went away. I didn't want to treat her and any others the way that I did, It's just I didn't know how. I spent all my days in high school as an outcast. I was nothing like the others. They were always all happy and jolly. It sickened me. I remember sitting at home and thinking about how I wanted to bring a gun to school and blow their fucking brains out. I was that damn serious. Not about blowing their brains out…just hating them and wanting them dead. The institution, I'd say, is just like school, only here, there are others like me. But yet, I can't even relate to them. Not that I try or anything, but it seems as if I can't even fit in with my own kind. But fuck it. And fuck them and they're screwed up lives. 

I glance over to the cafeteria line and it seems as if a slight case of déjà vu hits me. I noticed Seifer. His two trusty escorts following behind him. One eyeing him intensively, the other rubbing the bandages that adorned his arm from the accident that happened two days ago. Like before, the blond picks up the plastic containers and places it onto his dish. He must have stabbed that fork pretty deep, but how I wonder. Well, he does seem pretty strong. I also wonder what that attitude problem was that he pulled in group today. And again, he seems normal, but remember, he did stab a fucking fork into somebody's arm and caused a whole shitload of other trouble in the phase of 10 minutes. So, yeah…it doesn't really matter. Wait, why the fuck am I worrying about him anyways. I gotta keep reminding myself that I don't give two flying fucks about the psycho-bastard. Fuck him. He glances over the cafeteria, the table that he'd sat to before was taken, so his escorts took it upon their selves to seat him. The taller one took him by the arm, only for it to be jerked away. Instead he just walked in front of the blond leading him to a table. A table placed only inches away from mine. I began to feel tense I don't know why. Maybe it was because I felt that if he were to have one of his episodes again, that this time I'd be caught in the middle. And that's the last fucking thing I wanted. I would have gotten up and moved to another table. But that would be rude. So, I just decided to stay put. I watched as he took a seat on the opposite of the table placing his tray neatly on the table. His escort sitting either side of him. I watched as he picked up his fork from the tray and placed it into his food. He dropped it suddenly and I found him looking into my own eyes. I didn't know what to do. His eyes were locked on mine and mine on his. He took his thick bottom lips into his mouth and then licked his lips. I was hooked. I watched as his big hand came up from the table, as he raised his crooked middle finger at me. A bright smile spread across his lips. And that picture of his smile would stay locked in my head forever.

*~*~*~*~

(to be continued) 

A/N: So, here ya have it, another chapter, thank you guys so much for the reviews. I'd like to give a shout out to FF9 Zidane, redrum, and DarkOne101...you guys are the best, and thank you to everyone else that so generously reviewed my story. So keep reviewing and I'll keep posting…thankies!! 


	4. Four

__

Title: The Overwhelming Reality

__

Author: Dwell_In_Me

__

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns the characters portrayed in this story…well not all of them..

__

Dedication: This one goes to my dear friend, Kelley…thankies muches! 

__

Author's Notes: You guys are wonderful, here's Chapter 4 ...enjoy and don't forget to review!!!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'd spent most of the night staring at my ceiling. I was just thinking about how the visit was going to work out. It'd either end with my mom crying and telling me how much she hated me. Or, me not talking to her at all. I planned on talking, though. I don't know why. I just wanted to talk to her, once. Maybe make her feel worse for leaving me…or just the normal 'How's it going?'…you know…normal stuff. I wonder what she and dad have been up to. It's probably been pretty pleasant since I'm out of the picture. The last visit with my him didn't go to nice. I told him that I hated my mom and that I never wanted to see her. He was upset. He just wanted me to welcome her back into the family, but sorry, buddy, it ain't gonna happen.

I also found myself thinking about Seifer. I'm not sure what I was thinking but a long period of my "not-sleeping" was dedicated to the psycho. After lunch while I was on my way back to my room, I noticed Seifer walking down the hall the opposite way. His escorts were on side him. I glanced at him for a short time before catching his eyes and turning to mind my business. What was it about him that made me want to know more? Maybe it was just the fact that his life was a complete enigma to not only me, but to everyone else. There was this mystery hidden behind him, and I, Sherlock Holmes shall solve the case. I sighed heavily before placing my sheets over my head and trying to force my eyes closed. I really need a life.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"How are you feeling today, Squall?" 

I had to see my psycho-doctor before the visit. It was kinda mandatory. I had to make my final decisions as to if I wanted to see my mother or not. He has the right to tell her that I don't want to see her if I say no. I think I'll go through with it though. "I'm fine." I say to him. 

"Good." he smiles. I slouch against the sofa, and sigh heavily. He notes this and looks at me in concern "Are you sure, you're okay?"

"I'm fine." I repeated. "Just a little scared." And I was. But I regretted telling him that though, because I knew what was going to happen next. 

"Scared of what, exactly?" I knew it. I'd said to much.

"Nothing…" I said flatly. And since he can't _force _me to talk I left it there. He still looked pretty concerned. 

The reason I was scared or, I prefer the term 'aware'. I was aware that this would not work out the way I wanted it to at all. That's Murphy's fucking Law for you. _Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. _The realistic ness of that scares me. I shudder suddenly, as I notice my therapist staring at me through his eyeglasses. "I'm okay, Nothing's wrong."

"Squall…" he starts. "If you aren't feeling right and don't want to go through with this, you should tell me now." 

"No, I'm fine." I leaned deeper into the comfort of the sofa, sighing one last time.

"Alright, then. Visitation starts at 12:00, you have approximately 30 minutes left in here before time, but if you change your mind at any time, you should let me know." 

I nod. I was going to go through with this. I wasn't going to back out now. And what could go wrong, right?

*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Squall!" the familiar brunette stands from the sofa located in the visiting area. She rushes over to me and embraces me with a warm hug. I unconsciously put my arms about her waist hugging her back. "Sweetie, It's so good to see you!" She pulls me in closer to her, before slowly letting go of my waist. I don't know what to say. I look at her delighted face. She seems so emotional. I can't show any back. I tried to smile, but it came out more as 'lips parted slightly, curved slightly at the edges' Nothing much. Her expressions seem to die as she looks into my eyes. She walks over to the sofa and beckons for me to come over to her. I sit without thinking and look over to her. Say something Squall. Say Something…don't just stare… 

"Hi." It sounded a bit drier than it should have, but it was a start.

"Hey." she smiles. "How's it been."

"Fine." simple. Not to much. Straight to the point.

"Well, I've been fine, too." she says, as if I'd asked her. Like I actually gave a fuck how she was feeling.

I sigh. 

"We miss you." she says. 

If they missed me so much, I wouldn't be here in the first place. You know what, fuck her and fuck dad, too. She annoys me so fucking much, I hate her. She left us. She left me. I was a kid. She left her fucking kid. What kind of shit is that. God, Why did I even agree to this? I could have easily said no, but I had to be so stupid, and approve of this, this, this thing. I was going to try an have a pleasant conversation with her, making her feel as good as possible, but she want to come in my face with a whole bunch of bullshit? I don't think so.

"Still doing those self monologues, I see" she smiles. "You always used to do that when you were younger." Make it worse, why don't ya? "You look so cute when you do that." she touches my cheek. I tense from her touch and I'm sure she noticed it. She moves her hand and straightens her dress at the bottom. I give her a menacing glare before turning away. I don't even know what to say, am I just about had enough… "Why do you talk to yourself so much, Squall?" she smiled. 

"'Cause I was never able to talk to you." I mumbled. I'm sure she heard it because her gaze fell to her lap. And I'm also sure she wasn't actually asking me that, but the opportunity was right there. So I opened my big mouth. Bitch. 

"Squall, don't start." She placed her head into her hands and leaned on her knees. "Please, don't start this."

"Why not?" I asked, smiling inside. I'm so bad…

"Look, I came to visit you, didn't I? Don't start that crap, tryin' to make me feel sorry for what I did." 

"Then why the _fuck_," heavy on the fuck. "did you do it?"

"Look, Squall, I'm not going to fight with you." she started. "I came to tell you some important news. Now you either shut your mouth, or I leave now…"

I rolled my eyes. "What's the news?" A _very_ sarcastic grin slips over my face.

"Well, we're having a baby." she says. I'm sure it was supposed to be a happier moment than this, but it didn't come out the way she planned.

"Oh really!?" Quite exuberantly was it? "So you finally decided to spread your legs for my dad other than someone el-" --She fucking slapped me…The fucking bitch just fucking slapped me. She arose from her seat and ran from the room. I lick the side of my lip and use the back of my hand to wipe it. I smiled. Take that with you and shove it up your ass.

Was I too mean to her? Hmm…I doubt it. And anyways I haven't had a good laugh in a while, I think it was about time. 

(to be continued)

A/N: Well another chapter, and as I promised, this chapter is dedicated to Kelley a.k.a Shade1, my dear dear friend! She gave some advice on to how the visit should go, but yay! I bet u weren't expecting that, huh? I'm so bad!!!

Well, thankies much to all that review, it what makes this story worth doing…well Chapter 5 is coming up in a while, so keep reviewing and I'll keep posting!! ^_^


	5. Five

__

Author's Notes: Okay, I know this has been the longest an update has taken place in this fic, because of no computer and lack of inspiration, this took a godforsaken long time. I hope those of you that read this fic are easily able to get back into the fic, if not please take time and read back, and that the people that read it for the first time will be able to enjoy…well, I'm not gonna make you wait any longer that I already have. R&R...thanks… 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Chapter 5

After the huge dramatic exit out of the visitation room, featuring the one and only "Woman who ditched her family!", I was escorted to my room by one of the nurses. I remember noticing Seifer's form lying motionless on his bed. It felt weird to see him in that state. I wondered what his day had been like. Probably filled with good ol' screaming and throwing things. I was told by the nurse that I was to stay in my room for the rest of the day. She didn't give me a reason, I just figured they wee just trying to decide what to do about my visitation. I'm sure there are procedures that they must follow when the patient suffers from "abuse" from their visitors. Well, obviously that's her visitation right down the fucking drain. I don't even know why dad let her come alone. Speaking of dad, where the hell was he? 

"Squall Leonhart." a voice came from the door. I looked over it to notice a lean man standing against the door's frame. "It's time for you medication, and we need to do a blood test. If you would follow me." He clutched his clipboard tightly in his hands. I could tell he was new. They are usually the ones that are terrified of all the patients, they think that one day one of us is gonna spasm and do a "murder the new guy" routine on their forehead. It was amusing to see him tremble as he wondered if I was going to get out of bed. "Squall." he said again. I sighed loudly and let my legs fall from my bed and let my feet rest on the cold floor. I slipped my feet into my open toed slippers and stood up from the bed. I began to walk, watching as the small man before me treading down the long hallway. Our pace seemed identical, only he was a couple of feet behind me. I turned to him as we walked down the hallway. His body stood in front on a door, and at the moment I noticed a long ponytail that hung down his back. The door read Dr. C. Kramer. I looked at him, whose eyes were now placed comfortably on mine. He smiled lightly, returned the gesture. He knocked on the door. "Come in." was heard from the other side of the door. His hand touched the doorknob and opened the door. He stepped inside, I followed. 

"Squall, Squall, come in." the large man sat up from his reclining state in his chair. He smiled at me. "You're looking better." he said as he got up from his desk. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and readjusted the clipboard in his arm. "How are you feeling?" 

I nodded. "okay…" I said, taking a seat on the observation table. 

"Ah, Good, I heard your mom gave you a visit today." he said. His hand ran down my spleen, making me shiver. "Step onto the scale" he said. I got up from the table and walked over to the big scale in the corner of the room. He walked over to me and touched the bars lightly on the beam a little. He sighed a little "122..." I looked at him. "You've lost 3 pounds since last week." He marked my data onto his clipboard. I stepped down from the table. "Remove your shirt." I followed his order and removed the gray fabric from my lithe frame. "How'd it go?"

"It was shitty." I wondered why I was so able to open up to Dr. Kramer. He let out a small laugh.

"Oh, really, What happened?" he asked, holding the stethoscope to my chest. The cold metal on my skin made me quiver. "Breathe in." I followed. I really wasn't in the mood to talk about it. I just sighed and tried to dismiss the question. He moved the tool to the other side of my chest. "Breathe in." I took a deep breathe in and exhaled slowly. He took the earphones from his ears and wrapped the instrument around his neck. He threw my shirt back to me, and walked over to his desk. 

I put the shirt over my head and watch as he retrieved a tube from his desk. He walked back over to me. He picked up my arm from its relaxed state on the table. Next, he wiped the alcohol swap across my skin on my arm. He injected the needle into my skin and drew my blood into the tube. I'm so used to this goddamned process that I've begin to feel nothing while this takes place. He pulls the needle slowly from my skin and wipes the excess blood that trickles from the opening. He filled a couple of more of these tubes, he then pulled a permanent marker from his pocket and wrote something on the tube. He then opened his drawer and placed it into a container. He pulled out a plastic cup from the desk, as well. "Fill 'er up." he smiles passing me the cup. I give him a mocking smile, and hop from the table and walk over to the door in the corner to the restroom. I close the door behind me and stare at the white toilet before me. I unbutton and unzipped my pants. Just as my hands reached down to take my manhood from my underwear I heard thrashing from the room.

I quickly zipped my pants and looked cautiously around the small restroom. There was a loud thump sound on the door. "Sit him down!" I heard Dr. Kramer yell. There was more screaming and loud sounds, but just as quickly as it had began, it seemed to stop almost instantaneously. I walked over to the door and placed my ear close to the wood. I heard weeping and heavy breathing. That of a boy. I listened a little longer. "Calm down son," I heard Dr. Kramer say calmly. "It's going to be alright." The boy's cries continued. I wondered what had caused him to act the way he did. I'd never heard or saw anyone act that way, besides well…Seifer, but he's been quiet lately. My thoughts were scattered as I heard soft taps on the door. "Squall?" the familiar voice called. "Squall are you just about finished?"

"I'll be out in a second." I called back. I ran my fingers through my auburn hair and walked back over to the toilet. I unzipped my pants and pulled my manhood out of them. The hot jets of urine escaped from me into the small cup (hot jets of urine??). Once done I shook myself and put the lid onto the small container. I self-consciously flushed the toilet and sat the container onto the sink's counter, and washed my hands. My eyes came up to meet the mirror, my small frame nearly frightened me, I didn't remember myself as this small, fragile "boy." Sure, I'd always been the smallest, but not like this…

"Squall?" the voice came and was followed by a few knocks on the door. I picked up a brown paper towel from the counter and ran my fingers through it and dried them. Tossing it into the trash can, my name was called again. I opened the door and found Dr. Kramer standing in front of it. He stepped out of the way and I walked out of the restroom. My heart nearly skipped a beat as I saw the blonde boy sitting in the chair, two nurses holding him down firmly. "Squall, This is Seifer." Dr. Kramer spoke. My eyes where on his. Dr. Kramer touched my back, telling me to walk over to the table. I could barely move. "Squall, go and take a seat on the table, I'll be with you in a second. I could barely place one foot in front of the other. His peach lips curled into a shit-faced smirk.

"Yeah, Squall…go take a seat." That voice, was way to familiar…My eyes narrowed at the teen before me. "What's wrong, _Squall_…" Hearing my name come from his lips sent a certain rush to my spine. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. "Ya know, _Squall, _it's not polite to stare." My eyes twitched a little, but I just couldn't stop looking at him. I hadn't noticed it before, but he looked so familiar…I just couldn't remember. I took a step closer. "Stop staring at me, _Squall_…" he said. All I had to do was take my eyes off of him, I couldn't. "Stop staring at me, Squall…" he repeated. I took another step closer. "I SAID STOP FUCKING STARING AT ME!!!!" He jumped up from his seat and pushed my face and I fell to the floor. I scurried away across the floor into the corner of the room and brought my knees to my chest. The two nurses grabbed a hold to his arms and he began to fight underneath them. My breathing quickened as he moved. The taller nurse grabbed a syringe from his coat pocket and injected it into the boy. He quickly fell soundlessly to the floor. I looked at the boy before me, laying asleep on the cold tile of the floor. 

******

Once back in my room, Seifer's face wouldn't get out of my thoughts. My nose was still pounding as I rested on my bed. I sat there staring at the ceiling, reminding myself of the incident. I knew that it was rude to stare at someone because they are different, but I just couldn't stop. He reminded me of something…or someone…I just don't know who…I sighed loudly and closed my eyes. 

(to be continued)

__

Author's Notes: Okay, I'm back in business, …I think. Well, there was absolutely more "interaction" between Seifer & Squallie, in this one, huh? I know…The story is finally moving like I wanted it to. And again, I want to apologize for taking so fucking long to update, Chapter 6 will be out soon, I promise…I'm like WAY behind, so I've already started on Chapter 6...heehe…I felt all bad 'cause redrum started hers after mine and she's like on Chapter 12...or something…and here's my piece of shit still on Chapter 5..ugh! I hate myself!!! I'll go die now!!! It as nice knowing you all!

*dies*

Don't forget to review…! Thx…J 


	6. Six

Author's Notes: Well, uh…this is Chapter 6

redrum: ...sorry if I was a little 'too' descriptive in the last chapter, but there aren't many ways to describe pissing…heehe… And yes, Dr. Kramer will be in later chapters also, because actually you have to be examined everyday…like, daily "check-ups". Well here's Chapter 6, I promise there's no pissing in this one… ^^

Shade1: Hey Kelley!!! Look it's chapter 6...heehe & I miss ya! Email me!! Oh, and I am still gonna add you to AIM…talk to you later kid! 

Well thank you all for reading this piece o' crap. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to review… 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 6

*Flashback*

"Hurry Squall, you're gonna be late for school!" 

"Okay dad, in a minute!" The eleven-year-old boy yelled. Today was his first day sixth grade. He wanted to be perfect. His other years at school had been so terrible. The kids at school had always made fun of his small size, but he was determined to make this day count. 

"Squall." His dad called again. "What are you doing?" The boy ran his small fingers through his auburn hair and twirled once more in the mirror. He smiled zealously as he stood before the mirror. Small hands grabbed the red book bag from off the bed and the boy ran out of the room. "What were you doing, Squall?" the boy's dad smiled. "C'mon we better go before you're late." He gave his son a brown paper bag and they headed out of the door.

"Where's mommy, dad?" The boy stared into his father's eyes. 

"She had to work late, son." The man lied. His wife left a note the night before stating that she would not be returning, she complained that she couldn't take the life she was living anymore and that she needed to find her place in life and she'd return once she had. Little did his son know, his dad was keeping the secret from his until a later time. He feared that his son wouldn't be able to handle such burdens. "Go get into the car, Squall." his dad told him. 

Once in the car, the younger boy put his seatbelt around his small body and stared out of the window. The leaves were already falling from the trees. Colors of brown, red and yellow leaves filled the pavement, it was a beautiful day. The radiant colors of Fall set his heart at peace as he watched as his father locked the house door and walked to the car. He opened the door and sat inside. Squall loved the sound of the leather against his dad as he folded his form into the car. He never really knew why, but he always anticipated the times when his father would take him on long rides. His father started the black Honda and pulled from the driveway. 

*End Flashback*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"A lot has happened since your last visit, Squall." The man pushed his glasses up his nose. "How are you feeling?" 

I stared at the man before me with hateful eyes. Oh, well I'm stuck in a fucking crazy house, I was visited by Satan himself, and there's some crazy psychopath that seems vaguely familiar to me, How do you think I'm feeling? "I'm fine."

He nods. "What did you and your mother talk about?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and looked at him. 

"She's having a baby." I answered. 

"Well what do you think about that?" he asks. I looked at him before answering.

"I could care less…." I mumbled. 

"And could you tell me why you feel that way." 

"I don't know. I just don't care."

"Squall, this kind of attitude isn't healthy." he adjusted his glasses on his face. "Well, Let me ask you this…" he pauses. "What is one good thing that could come from your mother having another child?"

"I don't know." So many possible scenarios ran through my head. "It will give her someone new to run out on." 

"Squall." My psycho-doctor looks at me. He jots a couple of things onto his tablet in front of him. I slouch against the back of the sofa. "Try to think a little harder about this, Squall." 

I really didn't want to talk about this. There was absolutely nothing I could think of that could possibly be good about this. I actually feel sorry for the kid. The poor thing is going to have it worse than I did. Who would want a bitch like that anyways? I guess she enjoys making people feel like shit. Oh, so I guess that's where I got it. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said staring at the ceiling. From the corner of my eye I saw him pulling out his pen again and writing something else. 

"That's all the time we have today, Squall." he says as he arises from his seat. I get up also sliding my feet into my open-toed slippers.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*Flashback*

"You want me to come in with you?" The older man looked worriedly at his son that sit beside him in the car, remembering his own first days of school. 

"I'm not a kid anymore, dad." The boy smiled. "I don't need you to come in with me." 

"You sure?" The man asked again embracing the boy's face with his hand. 

"Dad…" The boy complained. "I'll be okay."

"I love you, son." the boy's father said dearly. 

"Love you too, dad." The boy smiled before hopping out of the car. 

They shared one more smile with each other before the boy closed the door and headed into the brownstone. 

His father wished he knew how to break the news that his mother wasn't returning to his son. He'd been such a happy boy; surely the news would tear his son's heart.

*End Flashback*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, I'm gonna buy you a mockingbird." the chilling baritone voice sung as I headed down the hallway. My eyes panned into the nearly empty room. Just as slowly as I walked pass, I noticed a blond figure sitting Indian styled in the bed. He was holding what seemed to be a small stuffed animal. Why was he singing to a doll? 

He lifted his face and a smile appeared on his face as I stood there. Something told me to keep walking but it seemed as if I was paralyzed there. He nodded at me as if he was telling me to come inside. I took a step closer into the door and watched his eyes. I placed another foot in front and stepped closer. He pushed over slowly in his bed making room for me. Hyne, Squall. What the hell are you thinking? Turn around…run away…don't go in. Before I knew it, I was inches away from the bed. He moved over a bit more and I took a seat onside of him. 

He handed me the little stuffed animal. It was an old teddy bear. I took the rag into my hands and watched his eyes as he looked at the doll while I stroked its ears. I know I remember him from somewhere, I just can't remember. He looked so peaceful as he looked at the animal. As I looked closely at him I noticed a long scar that ran across the bridge of his nose. I wanted to reach out to touch it. I wanted to touch him. 

*Flashback*

The boy's day was nothing like he'd expected. Already he was the center off the children's torment. Things like "Girl" and "Sissy" filled his ears as the classroom bully tortured him. His lunch was taken and the bully had hit him several times. It was wondered how kids knew of such things at that age. 

"Hey sissy!" the bully jeered. "Did your mommy cut your hair?" The little auburn haired boy tried his best to ignore the boy's taunts. "I'm talking to you FAG." The words stung Squall like a bee. His body was forced against the wall of the hallway. The bigger boy stood in front of the scared boy, gripping his shirt. 

"Leave him alone, Jake." the voice came, not strong, but demanding. The red haired bully let go of the small boy and turned his head to face a blond haired boy. He was pretty big for a six grader, but him and Jake were about he same size.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" the bully smiled. "Is he your little girlfriend?" 

"I said leave him alone, Jake." This time it was firmer. The blond boy stepped closer to the red haired bully, a menacing glare on his face. 

"No seriously, what are you gonna do if I don't leave him alone." the bully asked the blond boy. "I really wanna know, unless you want me to pound it out of you."

"Get away, kid." the blonde boy told Squall. The small boy couldn't move. He wasn't going to let the boy who saved his life get killed by the big bully. He did look pretty tough. 'Please' the little boy thought 'Don't get yourself hurt' 

"You wanna save your princess, huh?" the red haired boy laughed. He turned and walked back over to the terrified boy. "Do you suck your daddy's dic--" He was pushed against the wall. The blond boy had run up from behind and shoved him. "Oh. So you're tough now, huh?" the boy stared.

"Stop staring at me, Jake." the blond boy warned. 

"Oh wow, lookie here, you paranoid bitch. You don't like it when people stare at you?" the boy teased.

"I said stop staring at me!" the boy yelled again.

"..and what if I don't." The blond boy punched him in his face "…You've done it now fag." the boy licked the side of his lip. He jumped up from the ground and shoved the blond boy. A quick jab was given to the boy's face. Squall couldn't move. He didn't know what to do. Children began to crowd around the encouraging the fight. Squall's little fingers clutched into fist as he stared at the brawl. Moments later it was over the blonde boy lie bleeding on the cold floor. The red haired boy stood up from the boy and wiped the blood from his nose. 

"What is going on here!?!" a teacher stepped from her classroom. "Oh my Lord." The young woman rushed to the blond boy's side and ran her hands through his hair. "Go and call the nurse!" she commanded one of the student. The little girl ran down the hallway following the teacher's orders. The auburn haired boy just stood against the wall looking at the nearly lifeless blond. Quickly a middle-aged woman ran down the hallway. Squall figure she was the nurse. She turned the boy onto his back and used a finger to lift his eyelids. Her eyebrows wrinkled slightly.

"We have to get this boy to a hospital quick."

*End Flashback* 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"What are you doing in here?" a man stood at the door. I threw the doll down and stood up from the bed. I looked back at the boy. His eyes telling me that he didn't want me to leave just yet. "C'mon, where are you supposed to be?" 

I gave the boy an apologetic nod and walked from the room. I was escorted back to my room by the man.

"I don't wanna have to do this again…" the man said. I rolled my eyes and sat down on my bed. Julia's bed was empty, the sheets folded up neatly. "Do you need anything?" the man asked. I gave him an annoyed glance and reclined against the mattress of my bed. He sighed loudly and walked from my room.

Hyne, Where did I know this boy from? It would answer so many of my questions about him. I wanted to know more. I needed to see him again. Something about him….Besides the fact that he could at anytime just have another one of his moments and rip my head off in the process, I needed to know more. I didn't quite know how. Just the day before I was nearly attacked by him and today I sat in his room. I moved to lie on my back. I stared at the ceiling and thought of a way to see him again. If it meant I had to die in the process, I had to. 

(to be continued)

a/n: There ya have it folks. Chapter 6, wasn't that fun?? No, well…fine I guess I'll go die now. So, Hopefully you guys hopefully know how Squall "somehow" remembers Seifer. But be warned that Squall still doesn't know. Chapter 7 will be out soon, I promise. I hope you guys liked this one. Constructive Criticism is taken seriously. This is for you, so make sure you tell me what I'm fucking up and how I could make it better, I don't have a beta reader yet, and If n e one is interested, let me know…mmkay? Don't forget to review!!!


End file.
